Yay for Comments!
The Adventures of Ali here is the link to my online story book.
We all know the story of Alice in Wonderland, but my idea is to give it a 21st century twist. As we all have our cell phones constantly with us so does Ali and it goes with her on her adventures through Wonderland. I am thinking (right now) that she will be a graphic designer, and really good at digital art media. Her friends already know that she has an imaginative mind and they think that she altered photos and videos of her time in Wonderland. There will still be our classic favorite characters, but maybe a part of the story from their eyes haven't quite decided yet.
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photo by Court Prather on Unsplash
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photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash
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Advice:
if you have any suggestions to the storybook I am open to them, and giving them consideration. As I have never made a website before or really have written a whole story before. if you have any tips also that would be great as well. And if you have a favorite place to get some free pictures that would be lovely as well.
Hey Megan!
ReplyDeleteI read your intro and I like that you decided to mimic the tale of Alice in Wonderland. Are you thinking of taking a darker vibe considering you have the main character in a psych ward? I wish you gave a little more background to the reasoning as to why she was there or how long she's been there or maybe even her current state? I'm sure you'll delve into that the more you tell your story, but even a bit of added content would help out! I also really suggest using grammarly when writing your stories too because it helps out with making sure the sentence structure is up to par and that you aren't using too many punctuation. It helps me A TON and I recommend it to everyone. It might even help you get a more twisted effect with your writing. Try it out c:
Hey Megan!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea that you bring yourself as a main character into the adventure. Turning Alice, a character in a fairy tale, into a real people in 21st century might be a big twist here.
It would be better if you add some more information about the reasons you visit the central park and why the rabbit appears there. Is there any coincident, or did something happens led you to the park?
It would be interesting if you express some emotional feelings when chasing the rabbit? Did Alice fetl afraid looking at the man, beside curious?
I feel some darker vibe when the man pushed Alice. It is gonna be dramatic here.
It is great when you actually took the real pictures to illustrate the story. I never thought about it before. Those pictures are elegance. However, you should reorganized the picture and the text a little bit so there won't have any vacant space in the post.
Anyway, your introduction is a great way to start a story.
Hi Megan,
ReplyDeleteI just want to start off by saying that I love your idea for your storybook! Alice in wonderland in the 21st century is something I never would have thought of, but I can’t wait to read. I especially like how you added some mystery by saying that Alice was in the psych-ward of a hospital. I can’t wait to find out what happened to Ali in Wonderland, and how her adventures ended up in a hospital. I enjoyed how you included the part about Alice’s muchness. However, I felt like the introduction was really short, I would have liked to learn a little bit more about Ali and her relationship with her grandmother, who I’m assuming is the original Alice. I wonder if you could’ve expanded on the man in the alley towards the end of the story. Who is he? Is he in charge of the rabbit?
Hello Megan! I really enjoyed your 21st century twist on the classic Story of, “Alice in Wonderland”. I love that the setting is in New York City because I feel like it is the best setting for this type of story. Reading through your introduction I thought you had great details that really brought the story to life. I felt like I was actually there while I was reading. Although there was some grammatical errors that could be fixed in the story. A few sentences in the second paragraph under the grandmother heading could be tweaked. I can’t wait for you to start continuing your story in your storybook. I have so many questions on what going to happen. I wonder if you’re going to create the land that Alice ends up in like the one from the book or have a whole new twist on it! Overall I thought your introduction was great so keep up the good work! Also your story book is put together really well, I like the story sections you have on the home page.
ReplyDeleteAn Alice in Wonderland remake is a great story to do! I love how you took the granddaughter of the original Alice and had her experience Wonderland. Also I thought the idea of having the girl's family and friends think she is looney is perfect. Grandma at that point becomes the hero of the story! However, I did notice some faults in grammar usage that you may want to go back through and check on such as; "it was also my grandmother's name who I am named after" (the last part makes it repetitive that it was grandma's name), and maybe meshing in the first sentence second paragraph into the third paragraph to have a smooth transition. Lastly, I feel like you may not want to start or have as much of your story #1 on the introduction page. But like I said before, good joy and looking forward to final product!
ReplyDeleteHey Megan!
ReplyDeleteI am really loving your idea to do a more modern take on the Alice in Wonderland stories. They are some of my favorites from when I was growing up so getting to see them in a new light is always fun! I know there have been some people in the class that have had a similar idea in the past but I really liked that you made it more about Ali, who is the granddaughter of the more well known Alice. I also really enjoyed the psych ward twist. It is always so scary yet intriguing to read stories when people don't believe a word someone is saying. This has always sounded like a nightmare to me but I think it brings a really modern twist to this story because in real life who would really believe someone with such wild stories? Can't wait to see what is next!
Hi Megan, I absolutely love your storybook concept. That Alice became the "crazy" old grandma that told her grandchildren her stories and now her granddaughter is experiencing some of the same things. Your blog is also beautifully set up, I noticed 2 small things though! Your Read on link from your introduction is broken and would need to be fixed, right now it can't be clicked, and the My Grandmother headline should maybe be a tiny bit smaller as it seems like a sub heading more than a heading?
ReplyDeleteBy making your main character original Alice's granddaughter you had a great chance to make your story modern and applicable to our daily life, which you did! The setting, the fall into the manhole, running up and getting a snapchat photo just all makes so much sense!
- Anna Margret
Hey Megan! I read the introduction as well as your first story and really liked what I found! Your website design is nice to look at, and your photo choices are bright and beautiful. They support the theme of Alice liking to edit photos and at the same time help to space out the text. I was a bit confused about the identity of Alice. Is she the original Alice, or is her grandmother? And if graphic design student Alice is the second Alice, will they have the exact same adventures? I liked your take on how Alice arrived to Wonderland through a manhole cover. Very New York. I was a bit confused while reading both tales though. You seem to switch back and forth from present to past tense, and it makes it hard to follow whether the events are happening currently or whether they're memories of an event. I like your take that Alice is a Graphic Design student. It makes the concept of her documenting her adventures by phone more credible, but also makes others question her proof at the same time. Very well thought out. I'm excited to read more and see where you take Alice, as well as how you'll get her home. Well done!
ReplyDeleteTo help answer a few of your questions. Grandmother Alice is the original Alice from the Lewis Carroll stories. Ali the graphic design student is her granddaughter in my story. Right now I am planning on Ali's adventures to sort of mirror her grandmothers but I will put some sort of twist on them. Like the man in the rabbit mask and how she fell. Ali is telling the stories after they have had happen, so it is in past tense. Yes, I know I am struggling with keeping the tenses straight. I am trying my best to work on that :) Hope this helps clear a few things up!
DeleteI can't find again who said that the link from the intro to [Read On] was not working. I think I have it fixed! Thanks for pointing it out for me!
ReplyDeleteHello Megan,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea that you are making the story of Alice in wonderland your own. You intro to the story is great making it start with stating you are in a asylum psych ward and then start your story. The modern touch of your story is also something that makes the story very interesting. Now when reading the story first part you seem to stick to the original story of Alice in Wonderland after you leave the city through the manhole. You keep things traditional. I think you should stick to the modern touch you have applied to the story so far, but I do understand it is hard to change this scene from the original story. You could add some modern things to the stuff you see when fall such as iPods or computer floating also. Now you have not wrote the other parts of the story and could keep this modern touch going I just can see it yet because you still have to write it. Otherwise the story is fantastic and hope it turn out just as it started. Fantastic by the way.
Thank you for the suggestion of adding some modern things Ali sees on her fall. I went back and added a few. When I first thought of writing this I wanted to have similar scenes for Ali as her Grandmother Alice had previously. If you would like to read some more, I just added another story. Ali realizes something when talking to a butterfly ;)
DeleteWow Megan, this story is fantastic! The amount of detail you were able to include is mindblowing. I definitely need to go back and either read or watch Alice in Wonderland again, this story has me intrigued and interested in the story. How were Ali's grandmother's stories received when she first told them? Was she placed in a mental institution when she was younger as well for seeing the rabbit and the mad hatter? I'm excited to find out how she responds to hearing that Ali has seemingly experienced the same things that she did so many year prior. Also, how did Ali's parents not see the pictures on her phone as soon as she came back? And how long was she gone in Wonderland? I saw that it said a week, but as noted, she's only been in the hospital for a few days, even though it feels like weeks. The cake also sounds delicious, I might have to stop in Tulsa when driving through and try it! I'm ready for the next story, I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteHi Sam!
DeleteAli's grandmother's stories are received by Ali as just bed time stories. Make believe. But Grandmother Alice was telling them how she remembered her adventures in Wonderland. I am drawing my inspiration from Lewis Carroll's novel, the three Disney movies, and now a ballet that I saw this weekend. In the live action movie of Alice Through the Looking glass, Alice does spend a little bit of time in a mental institution. Right now I am planning on having Grandmother Alice's reaction in the end, so stay tuned! I will also hopefully answer why Ali's parents didn't believe the pictures in the end. Also time is different in Wonderland than in our world. And finally, sadly Ann's Bakery is closing if it has not already. There is another baker I love in Tula. Going blank on the name right now, but its on 15th and Harvard. Hope that helps with some of the questions you and other students are having.
Stay Tuned is all I can say for the story!
Hi Megan,
ReplyDeleteI just read your introduction and your first story "The Fall." I love how you made your introduction into a story. It tied right in and was a great way to lead into your very first story. Your storybook idea was very original and you really made it your own by making it so modern and relatable to where we are in life as humans right now. I really enjoyed how you formatted your website. I liked how there were pictures to look at on the side of your story. That will help your readers be more engaged and follow along better I think!
In your story, it seemed so humorous how she was trying to check her phone casually as she was falling down some mysterious manhole. That really is a great representation of most society and how we can be glued to our phones. It was also cool how you did the headings in bigger and bold font to grab the readers attention. Great job!
Hi Megan,
ReplyDeleteI just read your first story "The Fall" and it is exactly what i expected. You provides a lot of details along the "fall" of Alice. Although you modernizes your characteristic, your story seems stick to the original one.. Does she feel any scare because of the fall? she seems very happy to discover new things along the way, plays with the purple clouds and tastes the honey flavors. I also surprises how can Alice still be able to use her phone during the fall. However, you lead me to the point here. Alice also uses to take her phone with her everywhere she went. Alice even remembers to check the social media, and play game during the fall (poor her, there is no connection). I would like if you explain a little bit more about the function of the "raven on the writing desk." Why is it appear on the story? Anyway, I am really enjoyed the story and i am ready for the next part, too.
Hi! Thank you for coming back and reading more! I want Ali to have a few of the same experiences as her grandmother. (there will be a connection in the end with Grandmother Alice) Ali just does not have service to send for help or pictures to her sister, but can still take pictures. It is like when we are in the middle of no where with no service but we can still take pictures and record video. From your first comment, Central Park is her favorite place to create and draw. No significance, just her favorite place is all. "raven on the writing desk." Is in reference to a riddle that comes later in Carroll's story, "Why is a raven like a writing desk". Also in the live action Disney films of Alice in Wonderland (2010) and Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016). Hopefully in the story The Party (the title as of right now) I will be able to answer that for you. I just finished the next story, Wonderland if you want to go check it out!
DeleteStay Tuned for more!
Hey Megan, first and foremost your formatting is fantastic. The front page of your storybook looks like something professionally designed! Well done! I also really like the conceptual setup you have. The retelling of Alice in Wonderland with the millennial granddaughter of Alice, Ali is a great story idea! Honestly, this concept would make a great movie too if you are into cinema. I like the balance in your stories between dialogue and description. The plot progresses nicely without ever feeling too bogged down. Some of the examples of a modern day Alice are hilarious too, like when she is falling down the hole and begins checking her phone. I like your use of “stream of consciousness”- esque first person narrative, but I wonder if there might be a way to reduce your use of the pronoun “I.” It certainly works as is, but removing the repetitive I’s might help your story feel more smooth. Overall I think you have a great Storybook Project going here and I am excited to see where you take it!
ReplyDeleteHey Megan!
ReplyDeleteI just read through your storybook and I am seriously impressed. I can tell you have spent a lot of time on your storybook and it is such a fun read. You did an amazing job modernizing the story into a blog format where we get to follow along Alice (Ali) through her adventure. Also, your pictures you chose and formatting are so inviting and fun! One thing that you might want to do is hide the unfinished pages. I was so excited to get to The Party, but there is only a picture there. I think all you have to do is go next to the name of the page on the Pages tab, and hit the three dots. There you can click “hide from navigation” so you do not have to delete the pages, just keep them hidden until you are ready for everyone to read them! Anyway, awesome job!!!
Thank you for that! I will hide them until they are finished just not to get anyone's hopes up. But I went ahead and posted the party since I had a chance this week to read Alice in Wonderland for this weeks reading and storytelling.
DeleteSo for everyone who has read the Storybook: I need help with a name for the King. He is going to be the Queen of Heart's son. He loves his mother dearly as any Prince would, but he wants to rule differently than her. The kingdom is still fearful of their rulers since the previous quickly said "Off with their head!" to everything she did not like. The Tweedle-sisters and Tinsley Hatter are comfortable around him to an extent because they grew up together. If you have an idea on what his name should be leave it here as a reply and I will take a look when I go to write the story
ReplyDeleteHi Megan! I just read through the introduction and first story, The Fall, from your storybook. First of all, I love the all of the pages on your project website. The colors and pictures used make it look very nice and I think they add to the feeling and aesthetic of your stories. I also thought it was cool that your story about Ali is in a modern setting, but it still definitely has a lot of the same feeling from the original Alice in Wonderland. Your writing is great as well. The descriptions and dialogue you used made it quite easy to visual what was going on in the story. I also like the way you have sections of the story split up in a way, as you made part of the first sentence of each section bigger and darker than the rest of the story. Overall, I loved what I read from your storybook and I look forward to reading the rest!
ReplyDeleteHi Megan, I really enjoyed reading your project story The Fall! First off, I really like the way you have set up your project website. It is very clear, organized, and has great pictures/images. I especially like how, in addition to have a link in the navigation bar, you have a picture and link to each of your stories on the home page. Just a quick note, the link to The Fall is not working, so you have to click on the link in the navigation bar. Your story is well written and easy to follow. I really like how you added modern elements to the story, for example, talking about Alice looking at her phone as she was falling. I also like how your incorporated images throughout your story to better help the reader visualize the situation. The suspenseful ending is great, and I think adding a link [Read on] is a great element. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Megan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy your website. I think it is easy to navigate and quite creative. I like how you have a link to and description of each story on your home page. It is all very inviting!
Your intro was fun to read. The part where Ali explains being in the hospital was intriguing! I appreciate the way you modernized the story. You also did a great job building up suspense. Alice running through the streets of New York chasing the rabbit-man kept me on the edge of my seat, I couldn't wait to go to the next story. One thing that I could suggest is that there are a few places where adding a comma would help the stories flow. Also, there is a minor error about halfway into the last paragraph, "I start to ask to strange man if I can take his picture, nervously."
The Fall was also done well, I like how much detail you go into. The transition from one story to the next flows nicely. Something that confused me was after she drinks the shrinking drink. You first referred to the "Eat Me" box having multiple cakes, but when she shrinks there is only one. Also, you mention how she went over to the box of cakes, but then say how she had it in her hand when she shrunk. There are also a couple of errors with tenses throughout. One example is, "With the key in my hand, I began to shrunk..." (shrink again,... or I shrunk again,...). And, in the end, "My backpack with the two boxes inside, I grasped the golden key in one hand, and my phone in the other hand recording..." I found that sentence a little hard to read. If I could suggest, you could rearrange it to something like, "With the two boxes in my backpack, the golden key in one hand and my phone recording in the other, I was finally able to unlock the door. I turned the key and..."
Overall, I think you have done a fabulous job at pulling the reader into Alice's world! I love the original story, but I am finding yours just as enchanting. I look forward to reading the next few stories soon!
Hi Megan! Wow! I loved your storybook. I thought it was wonderfully done, and so creative. To start, the layout of your website is very clean and easy to navigate. I really like the hierarchy of information (like the way you enlarged "I stumble"). I thought it was helped start the stories off correctly. I really commend you on that. Next, the introduction provided gave the reader a good foundation of what they are in for. I really liked the amount of detail you used. It really placed the reader in the story. I was really pulled into Ali's world. Overall, you did amazing this semester!!
ReplyDelete